It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of “TRY SAYING” new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

1. TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

2. TRY SAYING:
I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
You’re fucking kidding

3. TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You’ve got to be shitting me!

4. TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a shit.

5 TRY SAYING:
Of course I’m concerned.
INSTEAD OF:
Fuck me dead

6. TRY SAYING:
I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It’s not my fucking problem.

7. TRY SAYING:
That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
Fuckin’ What?

8. TRY SAYING:
I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This shit won’t work.

9. TRY SAYING:
I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
How many hours in a day on your fuckin’ planet?

10. TRY SAYING:
Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the hell cares?

11. TRY SAYING:
He’s not familiar with the procedure.
INSTEAD OF:
He’s got his head up his ass.

12. TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
You can get rooted.

13. TRY SAYING:
So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my ass.

14. TRY SAYING:
I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
Am I the only poor bastard that works around here.

15. TRY SAYING:
I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
You’re an intellectual retard

16. TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
My superman cape is at the cleaners

17. TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the hell died and made you boss?

18. TRY SAYING:
I see.
INSTEAD OF:
Bite me.

19. TRY SAYING:
Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF
Another fucking meeting?

20. TRY SAYING:
I don’t think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF:
I really don’t give a shit.

21. TRY SAYING:
He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He’s a prick.

22. TRY SAYING:
She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She’s a ball-busting bitch.

23. TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.